A friend of mine ended an engagement, and I wrote this sermon for her:
There is not enough support in our society for women who are alone. Everywhere we turn--and I'm including myself here, of course--there's another reminder that we're supposed to be in a relationship with a man. It's in the recipes that come into my e-mail inbox with ideas about "Meals for Two," or on web pages with relationship advice, or in advertising for almost anything--wear pretty underwear and please your man! Make yourself beautiful with this lipstick and impress your man! Or any ad that begins with the premise "guys love it when..." And every song on the radio is about love (or at least sex) between a man and a woman. But those are just the public examples--there is plenty of anecdotal evidence within a person's own life to support a fully-developed psychosis. Are your friends getting married? Talking about their weddings, their registries, their marriages, their relationships, their kids, etc.? Is single life every affirmed? EVER?
Is anyone allowed to be okay on their own? Is there a sanctuary from all this crap?
I'd like to say there IS a sanctuary, and it ought to be no farther away than the nearest church, but unfortunately, the church doesn't know what to do with single people, either. There are couples groups, support for families, and while these things are important and worthwhile, how often are there groups for single people? And when pastors are preaching, how often are they using their own marriages and families as illustrations of some eternal truth? That truth may well exist, but when are people valued just for being children of God? Salvation doesn't come through marriage or having a family--salvation comes through Jesus Christ. We come into the world naked and alone, and we die alone (maybe not naked, but who knows). We come into Christian community as individuals in baptism, but with the support of a whole community. We celebrate the sacrament of Holy Communion, the very presence of Christ in our gathering, with a whole group of people. At no point are people more valuable when they are coupled--we have value as individuals, and as individuals within a community. Why doesn't anyone ever bring up that Jesus said so little to married couples, seemed to do very little ministry among the married people? But you know who Jesus goes straight toward, almost all the time? It's the people who are vulnerable: the sick, the children, the demon-possessed, the elderly, the ones who have been cast away. I think single people can be included in this group--widows and orphans are mentioned a lot in Scripture, and it makes sense, but these days, any single people could be included.
Here's what I'm saying: Jesus came for us, too. Let's not pretend like marriages or relationships are the ticket to salvation, to happiness, to fulfillment. This is simply one way to live. But living alone? That's a legitimate way, too: as beloved children of God.
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2 comments:
You can always join my chuch. THey have single wards for people who are single, widowed or divorced. The lessons and activities are focused on the needs of the congregation. Of course then you would have to give up swearing and Dr. Pepper. Oh wait, no.. thats me who has give up swearing and dr. Pepper. Dang it! G
Well, my church had a wonderful singles group when I first joined. Many people attributed the church's singles group to having brought my wife and me together, but it was more like she brought me there and there's where we grew.
This group had its own Bible study on Wednesday nights, we sat with each other at the two church services, and we were known as the church's very active singles group. Not as large as, perhaps, Riverbend's, but we were recognized and respected, and we had fun!
The singles group had one activity per month. I had the unfortunate timing to ask one of the ringleaders at the end of one activity what the next month's activity was going to be. Her answer, "Whatever you come up with, Lloyd." I had some experience with some of the local wineries in the area, so I led the tour to three of them one Saturday. It was one of the most attended activities we had, and one of the most rowdy ones; ever get a bunch of singles going wine-tasting on empty stomachs? Oh my.
But, alas, the group imploded when the ones that had been the backbone all got married at roughly the same time, many of them to other members of the singles group. That wasn't the reason why they got the group going, to get married, but that's what happened. And, unfortunately, the ones that were left weren't the kind that could or would organize things, and the singles group fell apart.
So was it the same attributes that brought the ringleaders together that had them all getting married, so that this singles group was a doomed exercise to begin with? I'll give you more information now and tell you that it was started by a group of four gals that had recently ended long-term relationships and wanted to have a family-type non-threatening group to do things with. And so they made themselves a nice singles group that attracted a good number of people, me included.
I guess what I'm saying is that the singles group was a vibrant ministry back in the early 90s at my church, because, in my opinion, it was the singles themselves that made it vibrant. Which isn't to say that all you do is get a bunch of people together and have them all act vibrant... ly. You need a critical mass of people that will commit to organize and attend, even attending the lamest activities. The church got the credit, if you will, for having a great singles ministry. And now it gets the blame, if you will, for not having a great singles ministry.
So, what should happen if we can't get a group of vibrant single people together at our church to do activities? Have some of the married people doing the vibrant thing and trying to attract single people? Hmmm... perhaps that's it. Wait, we tried that. That was the outdoors group. But then one of the couples broke off to do their own things, and we lost critical leadership mass. None of the single people (well, none of the married people, either) stepped forward to help organize. Scratch another group that was friendly to singles. I guess our church isn't friendly to singles.
I think I'm saying two things here: you get out what you put in. Another thing that I may also be saying, if you look under the rug, is I'm blaming the victim: does this make it the singles' fault that the church isn't more friendly to singles? Hmmm.
What does it mean to be friendly to singles again?
The couples groups [we have couples groups?] are active because some couples got together and organized it. The mothers group is active because the mothers organized it. The small groups are active because the people in the small groups organized them. The church provides the free advertising in the monthly publication and in the church bulletin, along with the meeting rooms on an availability basis.
How much support did we get from the church when we organized an outdoors group? In addition to the above, I think that we got a hearty, "Go for it!"
I'm sure that if a singles group asked for the same from the church, they'd get it, too. So, should you form a vibrant singles group at church?
Go for it!
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